Strategy to Deflect Bullying: Take Notes!
A mom, we’ll call her Patricia, emailed us recently to tell us about her daughter’s experience with being bullied by a classmate last fall and what she decided to do about it: take notes. We were so thrilled to hear how Patricia and her daughter (we’ll call her Josie) problem-solved that we asked permission to share their story.
Here’s what Patricia wrote in her email; names have been changed to protect the family’s privacy:
Dear Organizers:
I just wanted to say thank you and that you made a big impact for both of our kids (a 4th and 6th grader at a San Diego school where you presented last fall).
I also wanted to share with you a success story my daughter Josie had when she was facing some bullying at school. She had a table-mate who kept making very mean comments to her (“you’re ugly”, “you’re fat”, things like that). She would tell the teacher and her teacher is amazing, but it was the start of the year and she would try to address it, but the student kept doing it. Josie used some of your techniques and they helped a lot, so thank you! Unfortunately somehow this kid continued to be able to get away with mean comments, so we brainstormed about other things she could do. I am a lawyer and I thought about what we tell our clients if you are getting ready to possibly file a lawsuit – we usually tell them to write down everything and keep good records. I told my daughter that every time he said something mean or rude or hurtful, to just look at him and then open her notepad and write it down (with the date and time too if possible). I thought it was great because it also took away a little of his power without doing anything back at him.
Josie did that for one day and took the list up to her teacher who was horrified to read all of the things he was saying in black and white. She addressed it immediately, moved him away from my daughter and it literally has not been a problem since.
I know it is not always that easy, but I think writing things down empowers the person being bullied and is strong evidence when there is a pattern. Again, I know some kids are also too young to do this or don’t have a pen and paper on them, but for older kids and even ones with phones where they could jot it down on their phone, I think this is helpful.
I just wanted to share. Thanks so much and keep up all the fantastic work!
Patricia
Josie, we love how you decided to do something about the situation and made your circumstances better! We tell students all the time that you sometimes have to try some different strategies before you find one that works. The tactic you and your mom came up with of calmly writing down the interactions is brilliant. Such a subtle way of taking away his power, not reacting, and not being mean back.
We love your strategy so much that we’re going to add, “Take Notes,” to the list of strategies that we share with students. What a great new tool for our toolbox.
Thank you again for sharing your story with us and our readers, but, most importantly, thank you for being part of the solution!
– The Team at Act Like You Matter and Theatre of Peace